i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
