i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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