There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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