I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
