I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
