the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
