Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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