The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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