I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Who died my cat blue again?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
