Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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