I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
