Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
