Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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