I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
