I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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