the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
