i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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