I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
