Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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