It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
