I feel like abortions should bother me more
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
