Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
