I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
