why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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