The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
