i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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