I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
