i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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