My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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