quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
