Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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