I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
