Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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