My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
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I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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