i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
