did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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