I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
