I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
