soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
