So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
