Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need moral support for this bender
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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