addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
