i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
