I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
