I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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