I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
