Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
