Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
