he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
