scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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