I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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