i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
