I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
