There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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