Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
