He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
