So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize