Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Terrible idea I love it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
