We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I love you.
Bad choice
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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