this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
