shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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