I've blown a few things in my day
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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