You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
