so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
