I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
