that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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