Screwed.edu
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
