Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
