He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
