Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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