i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
