i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
