My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
