i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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