today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need a beard to bite.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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