I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
