i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
