Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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