I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
