So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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