Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
